Urban Earth Mom
Eliminating chaos since 1989

Blog

Are You Addicted To Chaos?

Do you feel like your life is one drama after another?

Every day you can guarantee something is going to go wrong and you’re sick of it.  You want to ditch everything and run away.

You want to live drama free and have the chaos go away but it follows you like Pig-Pen’s cloud.  
Here’s the secret...you may think you hate it because you do hate it BUT you also unconsciously attract the drama and chaos because you’re addicted to it.  Either you never learned what a peaceful life is really all about or it’s been so long since you had a blissful life that you don’t know how to live without the chaos so you unknowingly welcome it in every day. 

That used to be me. drama, drama, drama.  Drama filled relationships, chaotic schedule even though I was a project manager and process improvement manager in the corporate world.  I lined up the ducks at work but they were running all over at home. My ex-husband’s behavior is a perfect example of creating drama  When things were going well in our relationship he would come home from work and ask me how I was. “Fine” I would say. And I actually meant it because I was fine. But he would start questioning and needling and by the end of the interrogation, I would be blazing mad. Over nothing! He would claim it was the tone I said it in that he knew I wasn’t fine.  I practiced modifying the tone of my voice, I even considered voice coaching but nothing made any difference.  Until I realized that he couldn’t deal with peace so he sabotaged it every.single.time. It was exhausting, especially as I was actively trying to make peace with peace!  

If you live with drama every day you ARE keeping it close to you but you CAN do something to stop that and send it all away without having to skip town and not leave a forwarding address!

Your first step is to understand and accept, without blame or shame, that you are responsible for some of the drama and actions that you take are keeping it going.  That you are attracting the drama because drama is what you are used to.  Drama and chaos is inside your comfort zone and peace and calm are outside it.

Understand why

You may have grown up in a chaotic household like I did or perhaps been sucked into a chaotic relationship as an adult and been unable to get out for a very long time.  Chaos was all I had ever known.  I didn’t know that three-year-olds weren’t supposed to be the only responsible person in the house looking after a baby.  I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to have to parent my parents.  It’s all I had ever known and I thought it was normal.  I mean, I wasn’t happy with the situation but didn’t think I could do anything to break free.  Except for maybe dreaming of running away.  I didn’t have any circus-worthy talents though.  I did know that living with the drama didn’t make me happy and I wanted to escape but I didn’t, at the time, realize I would just go from one chaotic environment to another.  It was usually an ‘out of the frying pan into the fire” kind of situation too. 

Set the intention to be and do differently

It is possible to break free. I did it and you can too.  But why do you want things to be different? What do you want to change? What impact is the chaos and drama having on your life? FInd a reason that will help drive you forward.  I wanted to break the chain of chaos that I could see stretching back into the mists of my family’s history.  I wanted my children to have different lives.  I wanted to have a different life too for myself. One where I would feel secure, and loved and peaceful. 

Ditching ALL the chaos in life is next to impossible all at once especially when every area of your life seems filled with problems. But you can start in one area and expand out from there one step at a time. Whether it is your finances, your home, food, your job, your relationships you will use the same steps to get to a place you can be happy. And you can work in baby steps so you don’t freak yourself out and run back to the drama again.

Step one is to just set a small goal in one area at a time.  

Commit to paying one bill on time every month, then more as the months go by.  Or start by always making tacos on Tuesday, then add pasta on Monday, etc. Steps so small they are hardly noticeable. Taking such tiny steps can be good if you are bringing your family along with you towards a more peaceful life because they won’t catch on and drag you back because they will not notice the changes until they are used to them! 

Step two is to let go of the past and forgive yourself for getting to where you are.

Even if you can’t forgive others yet, you must forgive yourself to be able to move forward and do something different. So you used to pay that one bill late all the time. It’s done, it’s over. You can’t fix the past so stop living in the past and punishing yourself for things you used to do. Things will be different now in small stages. 

Step three is to make peace with peace.  

This is the hardest part for those of us who were born into chaos or have lived with it so long it’s like second nature now.  Living with peace is scary if you’ve never done it.  That’s why you keep attracting all this crap into your life. You know what crap feels like. Peace is eerily quiet like you’ve arrived somewhere and no one is there which instantly makes you question if you picked the right date or the right time or the right place.  So you leave and go back to what you know. 


Step four is to create your plan to build calm.

If you skip this step you’ll go through all the rest of the steps and then immediately begin to back-slide into the drama. Set up your environment for success.  If paying bills late is your problem and the bill is always mailed then set up envelopes with address and return address labels and stamps.  You can even write the checks and put them in the envelopes and note the month on the outside. Then all you need to do is grab one and pop it in the mail each month.  Or set up one bill to auto-pay and commit to always having enough money in the account to pay that bill.  For Taco Tuesday you just need to make sure you have meat or beans canned or frozen, frozen tortillas, cheese etc.  Buy a month’s worth in your monthly shop and then you will always be able to have one stress-free meal a week.  

Step five is to take action and work the plan.

A plan is only good if you do all the things needed to reach your goal. Click here and >>  Come join my group of women who are working towards ditching the chaos and creating peaceful lives if you need encouragement and accountability to keep going.  

You'll feel comfortable in your new found peace eventually as long as you keep pushing forward one small baby step at a time.  

 

Are you reading books to help you ditch the drama?  

Do you struggle with knowing where to start implementing the things you are learning? 

Let me help you get off to a solid start and keep going.  And stop buying book after book to figure out how to make the changes! Email me at Sarah <at> UrbanEarthMom.com to book a free 15-minute call to see if we are a good fit to get you started making real progress on ditching the drama and healing from a chaotic life. 
 

Sarah MooreComment